Family Matters
by pseudonymical
Summary: Discussion of family in the Dispatch Center.


AN: My, I had fun with this. A few people asked for me to play more with the idea of "family" in the Reaper office. I did my best! (Will is fun to write for. 3) I still think Will would be the office mommy, but I switched him to father about halfway through this because it fit my purposes better. I don't actually speak French or German, so I had to go look up translations-forgive the mixup on the french grammar that I'm sure I made. I spent about an hour trying to figure out which verb to use for "to nag". I eventually settled on emmeder, but I'm still not sure. Sooo... just go with Grell's translation instead. Please read and review!  
>EDIT: Also, you might notice I change how each character addresses the others when I'm writing in their perspective. Please tell me if that's confusing and I'll just go to first names and stick with it. (In William's, I don't care what he calls them out loud, I can't bring myself to think he uses only their last names in his head as well.)<br>EDIT AGAIN: Yes, there's some minor Grelliam in here.

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><p><strong>~ERIC~<strong>

"Yeah, yeah, _mom_." Eric waved off Alan's entreaties to clean off his desk. His partner frowned, but Ron laughed.

"I thought Mr. Spears was the office mommy!"

"What, we can't have two?" Eric smirked. "They're different kinds. Will is the bitchy mom, who yells at the kids and makes them do their homework. Alan is the kind that tells the kids to wear their jackets when it's cold and makes them cookies."

"When has Mr. Alan ever made cookies?"

"Ah, shut up. I'm just making a point."

"Wi-ill! Why are you so mean?" Grell's voice came from Will's office.

"See?" Eric shrugged, lighting a cigarette.

"Don't smoke those in the office!" Alan said, his voice shrill. He exited the room. Eric sighed, exhaling a cloud of smoke. He ground out the cigarette.

"Mr. Alan nags a fair bit too." Ron raised an eyebrow with a grin.

"His new technique to make me stop smoking is to leave the room at high speeds whenever I start." Eric leaned back in his chair, rocking it back onto its back legs.

"Isn't that recommended for dog training?" Ron left the room after Alan, laughing at the expression on Eric's face.

**~GRELL~**

"Wi-ill! You're so mean! Grell whined, grabbing Will's arm.

"Get off of me. Your scythe has been temporarily revoked, and you aren't getting it back until you finish your paperwork." Will shook him off. _For such a handsome man, he really is a drag sometimes_. Grell stuck out his lip in a pout and stormed out of Will's office. "And do it _correctly_!" Will called after him as he entered the unit office and plopped down in his chair.

"Where is everyone?" He asked Eric, who was the only other person in the room. The tall man appeared to be thinking about something.

"Hmm? Oh, they'll be back soon." He said absently. "What're you and Will arguing about now?"

"He took my scythe again." Grell said, annoyed.

"Maybe you should actually do your paperwork?"

"Like _you_ ever do yours, Eric. You let little Alan do it most of the time." Just as Grell spoke, the Reaper in question walked in.

"Speak of the devil. Welcome back, sweetheart." Eric said drily. "Or should I say _mom_?"

"If I was really your mother, you wouldn't get off so easy, you'd be _grounded_ for smoking." Alan sat down at his desk and picked up his pen again.

"Ron and I were debating who the office mommy was, Will or Alan." Eric explained to Grell.

"Will's always fussing, it's definitely him." Grell said, sticking his tongue out. "I mean, what's my baby going to do without me?" He finished, referring to his chainsaw, which, he was sure, Will had locked up somewhere so that he couldn't get at it.

"If Mr. Spears and Mr. Alan are the mommies, what does that make us?" Ron walked back into the room.

**~RON~**

"If Mr. Spears and Mr. Alan are the mommies, what does that make us?" Ron said, re-entering the office.

"I think that means you're all children." Mr. Alan said, not looking up from his work. Mr. Eric flicked a ball of paper at him.

"Jackass." Ron saw Mr. Alan smile at the insult. Everyone knew Mr. Eric didn't mean it, would never say anything of that kind seriously to Mr. Alan. (Everyone else, though, was fair game.)

"You do tend to treat Ronald like a little brother~" Miss Grell pointed out, smirking. _Hmm, he kind of _does_ treat me like that_.

"Yeah, well, Mr. Alan treats _him_ like a dog." Ron smiled wickedly. "I'm sure he prefers 'big brother'." Mr. Eric growled, throwing another ball of paper, which Ron ducked.

"Eric, is that your paperwork you're throwing?" Mr. Alan asked incredulously. He picked up a crumpled sheet. "It _is_!" He threw it back, hitting Mr. Eric squarely on the head. "I'm not explaining this to William for you, I hope you know." For someone with such small stature, Mr. Alan sure could look menacing.

"In other words," Miss Grell inserted, "'Don't do it again or I'll tell daddy'." Ron couldn't help it, he cracked up. Mr. Eric was laughing too, and even Mr. Alan showed a small smile.

"Will might just be the dad..." Mr. Eric said thoughtfully, balancing his death scythe on his finger. Ron couldn't help but being impressed. "Actually, that kind of fits. He's got some mom-like qualities though."

"I'll agree with that one, but I think-"

"Why is it that every time I come in here, the only person working is Humphries?" Mr. Spears' voice came from the door, making Miss Grell and Ron jump out of their skins and whirl around to face him. Mr. Eric, who'd been facing the door, merely looked amused by his coworker's reactions.

"Ah, come on! I was working when you came in once!" _Don't be too smart with him, Mr. Eric_...

**~WILLIAM~**

"Why is it that every time I come in here, the only person working is Humphries?" William asked, standing in the door of his subordinates' joint office. He(thank god) got his own office, as their supervisor.

"Ah, come on, I was working when you came in, once." Eric said, smirking. William pushed his glasses up his nose with one hand, frowning. He surveyed the room quickly before answering. Alan was looking up from his work, distracted by the arrival of his boss.

"And never since." William replied caustically.

"Can I have my scythe back?" Grell cut in.

"I took it away less than ten minutes ago, you certainly can not." _Why did they give me such frustrating people to command? Did whoever did the assignations hate me?_ At his response, Grell began pouting again. He really was cute when he did tha-_Stop that, William. You're annoyed with him right now_. He turned to Ronald, who fairly quivered under the intensity of his gaze. "You still have to finish three summaries and a incident report. I suggest you get working on that, or I shall have to give you overtime."

"Yes, sir!" Ronald straightened to attention. Eric snickered and whispered something to Alan, who appeared to try to restrain laughter.

"What's so funny, Slingby?" William said coldly.

"Nothing, _vater_." Eric's grin threatened to bounce off his face. The others laughed. William scanned his memory. He'd never been much good with languages, although, in his opinion, to be a good Reaper, you had to know some, so he'd taken courses in most of the common languages. He'd only learned the essentials, things he'd _need_ to say, which meant he had no clue what Eric had said. It sounded like German, from the accent, but William's German didn't extend to whatever "vater" meant. He sighed and left the room with an order for everyone to get back to work.

**~ALAN~**

"Nothing, _vater_." Eric said, smiling. William looked puzzled for a second before wiping the expression off his face. Perhaps he didn't speak German-there was no doubt that even if he did, he didn't know what Eric had said. Surely he'd be much more angry if he knew that Eric was calling him "father". In any case, he seemed to give up, and turned on his heel, walking out of the room. His parting shot:

"I want your paperwork on my desk by seven or you'll all get overtime!" Ron began to laugh as soon as he was gone.

"That was-that was fantastic, Mr. Eric." He said in between gasps of mirth. Grell, too, was smiling, baring those impressively sharp teeth.

"Thank you." Eric said, kicking his feet up onto the desk and reaching for a cigarette. Alan stood up in preparation for leaving. His partner sighed and put the box back. "Euh, mon partenaires emmede comme une femme!"

"'My partner nags like a wife'?" Grell translated for a confused Ron, who laughed. Alan glared at Eric. He'd only understood some of the French. Honestly, why would he have bothered to learn the word "nags"?

"If you wouldn't act like a child..." Alan said, quirking an eyebrow. Eric merely leered in a quite un-childlike way.

"Ah, sweetheart, it's better than acting like Will."

"All little boys disagree with their fathers, Eric." Grell inserted. "It's _practically_ a rule."

"I'm not your father!" William called from his office. Clearly, he'd found the translation for the German.

As Reapers, none of them had actual families left. No matter how many relatives any of them might have had when they were alive... so many years had passed, any family they'd had were dead now. Everyone had forgotten their lives before they became Reapers, but sometimes Alan missed his family, despite not remembering them. But, surrounded by his laughing coworkers, it was easy to find the feeling of kin again.

_ Maybe I do have a family after all._


End file.
